inner child magazine

Amber, 34, single mom to a rambunctious 3yr old son named Justice. I work full time to support myself and my child. My passion and heart’s desire is to be of service to others. I aspire to inspire others to take on challenges, quests and to be the best they are meant to be.

Although I have had a pretty good life, my life really didn’t begin until the moment I found out I was going to be a mom. My son is my reason for living and the day that I had him and got to hold him in my arms and look in his eyes, I knew my adventure and life’s fulfillment was just beginning.

Through a life full of challenges and two tragic losses, I have managed to become a stronger and better person. I strive to share my experiences with hopes that I may help someone else out while on their journey just by them knowing they aren’t alone.

Amber's Web Site

Single Parenting with Amber 

Hello again friends! Life as a single mommy keeps me on my toes and even the best laid plans seem to some how not get accomplished. While I have been struggling to make sure that the bedbug situation was taken care of, it wasn’t until two days ago that I got Justice’s room somewhat together. So again, I am here to say that pictures won’t happen this month. I have had to take the bull by the horns and rid my apartment of creepy crawlers myself. If they aren’t paying rent, they don’t belong in my apartment!! Ok, Justice is the fruit of my womb, so I’ve got him covered.

This month’s struggle was one of my own. While I am sure I don’t share half as much as I should about my deadbeat baby daddy, I am sure by my loose lips you are able to tell that he is less than helpful and often seems to work my last good nerve. I have grown, in the last 2 years, to know not to be upset by what he does or doesn’t do. However, this latest thing really hurt my core.

Here goes the story. We will just call him BD so I don’t have to write out baby daddy over and over again. BD texted me asking if I could bring Justice to the barbershop on Saturday morning. Any other time I would say no, but Justice did need a haircut and I hadn’t been able to take him yet. Then he calls me at 645am on Saturday morning telling me that Justice needed to have something nice to wear and it needed to be blue as they were going to take pictures on Sunday. I sent clothes, but the meanie in me wants to tell him to go buy stuff if he wants something special, especially since he isn’t paying child support right now.  I dropped Justice off and BD of course had to flirt and be obnoxious as ever. Sunday when he dropped off Justice, he made sure to let me know that the pictures that they took were in the bag. He also made sure I knew that he went and got Justice a shirt to match all of their shirts. Oh, so that $3 you spent on our son was supposed to make swoon? Heck no! Do better mister man, or should I say little boy.

Part of me knew that the stepmother would be in the pictures, but I thought for sure that they wouldn’t send those pictures to my house. She is NOT my child’s mother. THAT picture of the happy family is a lie. That perfect picture of father of the year is a BOLD face lie and hypocritical. I am mommy and daddy 24/7. Perhaps I am just too sensitive. Perhaps I have just been slighted too many times by BD, but the fact that they sent a family picture to MY house really chapped my hide. I wanted to put my fist through the phone and slap the, well I don’t have to finish that. My guy friend told me that it sounded like I still had feelings for BD. I wouldn’t let BD touch me with a 50ft pole. He makes my skin crawl and if I knew then what I know now, he would have NEVER touched me. I have lost all respect for BD.  Not because he doesn’t pay child support. I make due with what I bring in and make sure that my son doesn’t want for anything. The fact that he can’t even come get our son on his delegated weekends baffles my mind. If you aren’t going to support our son monetarily, at the very least come and get him so that he can spend time with you and his brothers. I have lost all respect for his wife as well. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would make sure that my husband had a relationship with his son. I would make sure that I didn’t treat him any different. After all, what is done is done and while he wasn’t born to me, he is still my husband’s son and the brother to my own sons.  I guess that make me either the better person or the more naive.

I digress. Why does this picture irk me so badly and make me want to shank BD?!? It isn’t insecurity, because I know she will NEVER be mom to him and he will never love her like he does me. I feel like this perfect picture they painted should have footnotes and have a cliff notes book attached so that those people that see this picture know that this is just for show. So that they can know all that BD doesn’t do for our son. To know the struggle of the mother of that youngest child in that photo and that the BD in that photo makes sure that he has the upper hand in every situation so that the situation is in his favor.

I honestly can say that I got mad, so mad that I cried. This was beyond my control. This was something that I had anticipated and knew would happen eventually, but I thought for sure they wouldn’t be flaunting it to me. Send me the pictures of all the boys and the pictures of the boys with their dad, but don’t send me the picture with a greeting on it and labeled with the family name. Did I mention that BD still hasn’t changed Justice’s last name to their last name?? He is too cheap to even do that. I gave him 5 chances before I was discharged from the hospital to step up and come sign the paperwork and let Justice have his last name. He didn’t want it until he had the paternity test. I didn’t need a paternity test to know who the father of my child is.

I believe I just needed to vent because now that I have expressed my feelings, I am so okay with the picture. I am sitting here looking at it and although I still find it down right deceitful it really is a pretty picture. Justice will appreciate it later in life when he gets to see at least 1 picture of him with his father when he was little. Thanks for letting me share my feelings and emotions. Single mommyhood certainly isn’t what anyone could ever say it is. Doing this alone truly is a trying, tiring, and heart fulfilling experience. My son makes my world go around and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Until next month, I am sending love and blessings to you and yours from Justice’s mommy.